# Holidays Don’t Look the Same for Everyone
I’m reminded once again how the holidays can look so very different for so many people. Not everyone feels joy this time of year, and often for reasons we may never see.
I’ve talked before about how a simple “hi” can change the entire course of someone’s day—and during this season, that small gesture matters even more.
Here we are again, the holiday season upon us. Christmas is a week away. For many, it’s a time of celebration, of birth, of family and friends. It’s a season of reflection—looking back on the years that brought us here, and remembering the loved ones who are no longer with us.
I’ve shared my own story about losing my father at a young age, yet Christmas has always remained my favorite time of year. Growing up, ours was the kind of Christmas you read about—big extended family gatherings, lots of cheer, Secret Santa, and food that never seemed to end. I once promised myself that no matter what life threw at me, I would make Christmas as magical as I could for my family. And I think I did just that when my kids were little.
But this year, Christmas will look a little different for us. I never imagined I’d be entering this season with such a heavy heart. As many of you know, my former husband, Jerry, passed away in August. And Jerry—well, he loved the holidays even more than me.
With our cathedral ceilings, every once in a while, we would convince him to let us find one of the tallest trees we could hunt down. We’d drag out the giant step ladder just to reach the top. One year, I swear the tree was as wide as it was tall. We even had to get the hacksaw to get that thing out of the house, and we vacuumed pine needles until Easter. Those are the memories we laugh about now—messy, chaotic, completely unforgettable.
It would be easy to shut the world out this year. To skip the traditions. To say it’s all too hard. But Jerry wouldn’t want that. He would want us to celebrate—to remember the things that made him smile at Christmas: the over-the-top lawn decorations, the shrimp rings he brought to every visit, the bacon wrapped around the turkey, the gifts stuffed into grocery bags, and the trips to Stew Leonard’s for the perfect tree followed by dinner from the store.
Recently, I came across an episode of the SeniorLivingGuide podcast featuring Amber Stanley, a medical social worker and bereavement counselor. She spoke candidly about how grief can become louder during the holidays.
**It’s okay to be sad.**
**It’s okay to skip gatherings.**
**It’s okay to take a walk, take a breath, or take a break.**
**It’s okay to plan differently this year.**
**It’s okay to say no.**
**It’s okay to start new traditions—or bring back old ones—especially ones that honor the person you’re missing.**
However you choose to celebrate, it isn’t wrong. There is no “right way” to grieve during the holidays.
At Thanksgiving, I was talking with my youngest daughter about how I wasn’t feeling the holidays just yet. What she said next I wasn’t expecting. She had put up her tree, got the stockings ready to hang, and the outdoor decorations were ready to light up because that’s what Dad would have done.
So that’s what I plan to do. And maybe that’s what you need to hear, too.
Celebrate the past. Celebrate the present. And most of all, celebrate the ones who aren’t with us this holiday season—because love doesn’t disappear, even when the people do.
—
*This episode is part of Life’s Funny…Until It’s Not™, a podcast about the moments in life that shape us—the ones that make us laugh, the ones that stop us in our tracks, and the ones that change us forever. New episodes share real stories, reflections, and conversations about navigating life as it unfolds—the good, the hard, and everything in between.*
Tune in to Out of the Attic Live From Delaware on Sundays at 7pm EST. Remember, even when life isn’t funny, you don’t have to go through it alone.*
Recent Comments